Forgiveness and Forgainness

by Cary Beyer

Anger costs you love and money.
Forgiving people attracts both.

A close relative of mine shut me out for several years and returned my letters unopened. I was deeply wronged, yet I called to apologize for our breakdown. She suggested we leave the past in the past and create a whole new future. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Within a few days I landed my largest client ever, and four days later signed two more. It usually took about three months to sign three clients; this time it took seven days! In those same seven days, I also lost seven pounds.

Here’s a great forgiveness process to "complete" with anyone for whom you have strong unresolved emotions. It takes only three steps.

1. Write the person a letter you’ll never send. Say in no uncertain terms, how you feel about the horrible things s/he did to you, what a terrible low life s/he is; don’t hold back. Blame him/her for everything awful that’s happened between you. By the time you finish you’ll feel lighter; you’ve let a great weight off your shoulders.



2. Write another letter (which you won’t send either) and assume full responsibility for the terrible thing done to you, thanking him/her for this event which you’ve survived. Praise him/her for indirectly showing you your enormous self-sufficiency. You’re glad you experienced this huge upset, because now you know how big your compassion is. Do your best saintly imitation.



3. Integrating the first two letters; this one is intended for the Post Office. By now, you’ll have released the venom expressed in the first letter, and you’ll have overdone your responsibility for creating the upset described in the second. This leaves you healthy and wise enough to take responsibility for the part you had in creating the upset, and detached enough to express your pain in a way s/he can hear. It’s wise to have a close friend, therapist or coach look at the letter before sending it.

Such letters have brought miracles in communications, new friendships, new clients and other wonderful new beginnings.

Cary Beyer is a Life Coach and Founder of The Breakthrough Aerobics Inner Workout and The Breakthrough Meditation Series, and author of The Prosperity Aerobics. She conducts a private practice in Breakthrough Coaching and Breakthrough Meditation in New York (845.679.5526) and in Florida (954.788.3380). She can be reached by email at successaerobics@aol.com